l. e. n. n. y ’s m. i. n. d.

iseng banget.
setelah letih merenungi keadaan jiwa,
malam ini berakhir dengan membuka site-site lucu
dari site satu ke site lainnya, semau hati.
lihat ini deh,
pantes gw sering mengagumi wanita
tapi sering juga mengutukinya.
it’s because i’m a MALE, inside.
hahaha….

Your Inner Gender is Male     

You are rational, matter of fact, and quite dominant.
You like to get things done, without any emotional messiness.
You truly don’t understand most women. And you definitely feel more comfortable around men.
No doubt about it. You’re a guy - at least on the inside.

(link website ada disini)

and the rest are other quizzes,
just for fun. ’till i ready to sleep.
goodnite everyone!

You Are Batman     

Billionaire playboy by day. Saving the world by night.
And you’re not even a true superhero. Just someone with a lot of expensive toys!
(yeah well i don’t mind.. fancy expensive tools…. not bad eh?)

You Are 49% Grown Up, 51% Kid     

You’ve grown up a good bit, but you still have a way to go before you’re emotionally mature. You have the skills to control your emotions, you just have to use them.

Your Birthdate: May 26     

You lucked out the the skills to succeed in almost any arena.
Put you in almost any business or classroom, and you’ll rise to the top.
You’re driven and intense, but you also know when to kick back and cooperate.
Your ability to adapt to almost any situation is part of what’s going to make you a success.

Your strength: Your attention to detail
Your weakness: You can be a little too proud of your successes
Your power color: Turquoise
Your power symbol: Arrow pointing up
Your power month: August

You Are 48% Weirdo     

You’re definitely quite strange, but you can act like a normal person when you have to. (But just because you can act normally, it certainly doesn’t mean you want to!)
You have normal aspects to your personality… but you usually don’t choose to emphasize them.

You Should Be a Politician     

Confident, assertive, and dedicated - you know what you want in life and how to get it. Stubborn and opinionated, you can stand your ground… even if it’s unpopular.
And while you have strong views, you never overwhelm people with your opinions.
A true charmer, you subtly influence people into seeing things your way.

You do best when you:
- Work according to your own rules
- Can change the world with what you do
You would also be a good lawyer or talk show host.

You Are a Werewolf     

You’re unpredictable, moody, and downright freaky.
You seem sweet and harmless, until you snap. Then you’re a total monster.
Very few people can predict if you’re going to be Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde.
But for you, all your transformations seem perfectly natural.

Your greatest power: Your ability to tap into nature
Your greatest weakness: Lack of self control
You play well with: Vampires
(lack of self control! hahaha… yepppp, that’s ME!!)

Your Karaoke Theme Song is "I’m Too Sexy"     

You’re a total goof ball and a bit of a nut job. You don’t take yourself seriously at all.
And while you may not be the greatest singer, you’re the first to volunteer for karaoke. You have a wild and unpredictable sense of humor that always gets people cracking up. Irreverent and rebellious, your humor knows no bounds or limits. You enjoy shocking people.

You might also sing: "Like a Virgin," "Ice Ice Baby," and "Hey Ya!"
Stay away from people who sing: "Sweet Home Alabama"
(owkaayyyyy, this will be my song on the next karaoke!)

You Could Be a Vampire… If You Had To     

Like most people, the thought of being a vampire has crossed your mind.
But you’re not sure if you’d do it, even if you could. Living forever
doesn’t sound half bad, if you could live forever with the people you
love the most. But do vampires even love? And would the vampire version
of you even be you? It’s all too much to contemplate. Luckily, the
chances of you ever becoming a vampire are astronomically low.

What you would like best about being a vampire: Living forever
What you would like least about being a vampire: Blood stained teeth

You Should Play the Drums     

You are often hyper, restless, and full of a little too much zeal.
However, people may be surprised to know that you can focus your energy well.
You are driven and engaged enough to be a great drummer… and you have
the stamina to practice for hours. In fact, when you can channel your
energy productively, it only increases! You are independent and spirited… but also consistent. You can definitely keep the beat. You work well in a group and contribute heartily - without needing to take the lead.

Your dominant personality characteristic: your aggression
Your secondary personality characteristic: your precision

You Should Get a MBA (Masters of Business Administration)     

You’re a self starter with a drive for success.
You’d make a great entrepreneur.
(yeah right… maybe i should do MBA instead of this… huhuhu)

Your Seduction Style: The Natural     

You don’t really try to seduce people… it just seems to happen.
Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people.
You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find!
People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast.
(but sometimes they fell too fast and leave me in the end… shit!)

You Scored an A     

You got 10/10 questions correct.

It’s pretty obvious that you don’t make basic grammatical errors.
If anything, you’re annoyed when people make simple mistakes on their blogs.
As far as people with bad grammar go, you know they’re only human.
And it’s humanity and its current condition that truly disturb you sometimes.

Your Mind is 65% Cluttered     

Your mind is quite cluttered. And like most clutter, it’s a bunch of crap you don’t need. Try writing down your worst problems and fears.
And then put them out of your mind for a while.
(damn right! there’re a bunch of crap i don’t need! oh brain…. let’s clean it!)

You Are 28% Good

You try to do the right thing, but only when it works out in your favor anyway. You’re not exactly evil or without ethics, but you could be going down a pretty dark path. You probably have good intentions. You’ve just gotten comfortable with acting the way you do. Knowing the difference between good and bad is half the battle. Acting like a good person is the hard part. You are also probably: A bit jaded and cynical about life’s rules Right now you are on track to being: A petty criminal To be a better person: Help a friend in need, without being asked You Are A Fun Friend        You’re the one who keeps your group laughing And you’ve always got an idea for something fun to do The party’s not complete without you And you wouldn’t miss it for the world

You Are Quite Worldly

You’ve done a good bit of worldly exploring, and you have an international perspective. And you’re definitely looking forward to your future adventures abroad. You’ve got the passport, the desire to travel, and maybe even the language skills. Now all you need are the means!

You Are a Ferris Wheel     

Deep down, you are a fun, whimsical, and easygoing person.
You often enjoy life for what it is, and the littlest changes in course can be quite thrilling.
In relationships, people tend to feel what you feel. It can be liberating at first…
But after a while, the people closest to you end up feeling a little trapped.

Your life has perfectly normal cycles of ups and downs.
However, you can’t help but sometimes feel that you’re missing out on
the most exciting aspects of life. You only are happy when you’re
experiencing the highest of highs.
Your low points just make you feel depressed, restless, and bored.

At your best, you feel on top of the world with a great sense of perspective.
You believe that anything is possible, and that you are happily looking down on everyone else. 

At
your worst, you feel like your life is going in circles. You often feel
like you’re not going anywhere. This is sometimes psychologically
disorienting. And sometimes it brings on a sense of hopelessness.

(SOOO TRUEEEEEE… oh hopelessness…….)

rumit.
kalau disuruh mendefinisikan kata rumit,
memang sudah menggambarkan seperti apa itu rumit.
complicated. tidak sulit juga sih sebenernya. bingung.
akhir-akhir ini gw seperti kehilangan jiwa. aneh.
sepertinya yang ada bersama tubuh gw ini bukan jiwa gw.
seperti tak kenal dengan diri sendiri.
mengambil langkah-langkah yang sepertinya biasa dilakukan,
tapi….. seperti asing rasanya.
asing dengan diri sendiri. seperti aneh.
si teman mengatakan, complicated is when you don’t know what you want.
benar. tapi tidak juga. ah, rumit.
apa mungkin jiwa ini sudah bosan,
menjadi jiwa yang seperti itu-itu saja.
sekarang jiwa mau berubah. berganti.
tanpa peringatan kepada gw, sang empunya jiwa.
tapi, jiwa ini juga bukan punya gw.. punya Tuhan.
apa mungkin Tuhan tiba-tiba mengganti jiwa gw?
dan gw sekarang harus belajar menerima jiwa yang baru..
nah, seperti sekarang ini, jiwa gw seperti berdiskusi sendiri,
dengan jiwa lain yang entah empunya siapa.
gw cuma butuh jiwa yang utuh..
butuh hidup dengan jiwa. bukan cuma dengan raga.
bukan cuma melewati waktu,
tapi bener-bener melewati hidup…
hidup, andai bisa di-pause sebentar,
baru nanti lanjut lagi kalau sudah siap..
kalau jiwa ini sudah kembali normal.
Boleh tidak?

Memang sulit banget ya mengubah kebiasaan.. ga tau ini kebiasaan,
perilaku atau karakter.. atau apapun ini.. kebiasaan SKS alias sistem
kebut semalemmmm… malem ini gw bertekad buat nyicil belajar genetik
(boooo, gila deh itu bahannya ada 14chapters.. baru jalan 3chapters gw
udah kelabakan.. feels like i’m lost in a genetic forest.. huhuhuhu).
Apa yg gw lakukan pertama kali? Nah, karena diktat handout yg dikasih
dr jurusan itu hitam putih, padahal di slide powerpoint asli-nya kan
berwarna-warni tuh yaaa, gambar2 gen dan allele dan lain-lainnya itu,
jadi gw mulai deh tuh donlot semua softcopy powerpoint slide dr sang
guru….

beres itu, gw inget ada link website yang dianjurkan
sang guru buat dijadikan literatur, nah mulai deh gw browsing itu page
dan nge-save semua yg ada… abis itu, gw mulai search buku-buku fish
genetic or genetics breeding etc etc, mulai deh buka-buka Amazon.com
buat online shopping buku-buku itu… nah loh, yg second / used version
lumayan murah juga, tp kirimnya dr USA, hummm lama aja kali ya..
akhirnya buka Amazon.co.uk yg markasnya di Europe (UK), trus akhirnya
mulai deh banding-bandingin harga…. selanjutnya mulai deh buka-buka
link barang yang lain (buku genetik mulai terlupakan……). Liat-liat
sepatu, liat-liat CD, furniture…. jiaaaaaaa…… trus niat blajarnya
sudah terbang jauh, entah kemana perginya….

PARAHHHHH deh ah! begimane ini si Lenny teh???
SKS oh SKS….. bagai korupsi di tanah air tercinta,
sudah tahu jelek, tetap saja sulit skali diberantas!!!!!
Sigh…

it feels like i desperately hate myself lately.
for me, things around are all messed up.

i hate me. i hate you. i hate all.
feels so frustrating.. really.
but tonight, i think i got something.
something that could wake me up,
cheer me, honestly cheer me,
not like others that keep saying perfect things,
things that even make me more frustrated.

Tes’, really,
you gave me things i want to hear.
things i need to hear.
and for everyone who feels frustrated,
maybe, this would help.
just keep walking friend… keep on walking.

Martesa Tantra said:
"Life is not getting simpler, toh bu? the older you get.. the more complicated it gets. Ini toh semua adalah pilihan, ga pernah ada yang bilang jalannya bakal gampang. You are strong enough, jangan meremehkan kekuatan diri sendiri, if we dont have belief on ourselves, then we have nothing!! Tapi, kekuatan itu ada, selalu ada.. menunggu untuk dipanggil lagi sama kita. Ga usah dengerin kata2 manis orang yang bilang… inget tujuan lo kesini mo apa, inget orang tua, inget betapa beruntungnya lo ada disini, bla bla bla bla… Those are not enough reasons to make us survive. The best reason… is that you do all these for yourself, only for yourself, because we dont want to let ourselves down, right? you do what you do now is for yourself, not for anybody else.. we are here because we choose to be here… among many choices, but we do choose to be here, doing what we are doing now. No matter hard things are, they are something to train us, to make us stronger… so, in the end… you can once again say, "i did it". and all those things i just said, it is already in your deepest conscious… yang ga bisa kedengeran sama kita karena kita terlalu jenuh, dan terlalu musingin dunia luar dengan gombalan dan idealisme mereka.. but, believe in yourself, do it for yourself, live your own life, make the best out of it… only for yourself, then you know you have to struggle, to continue. menyerah ga pernah jadi pilihan ya, len…jangan menghina diri sendiri dengan memilih untuk menyerah… karena kita bisa kok. tenang aja, neng.. kita punya cukup kekuatan kok, kita selalu punya kekuatan, tapi kadang2 kita ga percaya sama diri kita sendiri dan menyerah. hidup kan ga pernah tambah gampang ya… jadi bayangin aja, kalo saat ini aja, begini aja kita dah menyerah… sampai kapanpun, kalo ketemu cobaan lain, kita pasti akan menyerah lagi, kapan suksesnya? inget ga dulu… waktu kita masih kuliah? praktikum… praktikum… laporan… skripsi… sidang… bawaanya dah stress aja, pengen jalan pintas.. menyerah. but, we did choose not to give up. and we made it till now.. slowly crawl, then you will slowly learn to stand up again. gpp kita jatuh, len.. kadang2 perlu malah, tapi ga boleh lupa untuk berdiri lagi, coba lagi. jatuh lagi, bangun lagi, coba lagi, begitu terus sampe berhasil… jangan takut sama rasa sakit. melalui itu kita bisa belajar dengan baik, kalo dikasih yang enak2… mana bisa belajar? rugi kali mo minggat, dah stengah jalan toh. mulai step by step ya.. jangan mengharapkan langsung 180 derajat berhasil… i know you can, bio gitu lho!!!bobo gih.. di dalam tubuh yang sehat terdapat jiwa yang kuat, kalo kata guru olah raga dulu, hehehe..   sana, bobo gih!!! nothing to thank.. met bobo ya, neng lenny"

(October 17, 2007, antara Gent dan Osnabrueck via Yahoo!Messenger.)

there are reasons why i had this ‘half-angry-half-depressed’-feeling rite this very moment….

here they are:

1. i woke up late this morning, felt that my head was heavier than ever and seemed going to roll over my body. sigh.

2. he successfully woke me up but after i slept over again for half an hour. hiaaaaa..

3. i hurried to go to the bathroom just to found this announcement:
"These showers are not available to use:  under construction until the end of November" (whatta hell…)

4. so i went to the upper floor just to get a ’short-12minutes-long’-shower and the ’should-be-hot’-water was not hot, at all.

5. i forgot that there is another bathroom area in the other wing of this floor, so eventually i don’t need to go to the upper floor. stupid.

6. ready for my morning class. damn, it was rainy outside. damn cold. damn windy.

7. i went out with my bike, together with a classmate, peacefully, until one of my bike’s wheels exploded because of those broken glasses lying on the road which is just a few more meters before i reached my campus. d*mnnnn f*ckkkkk

8. boooooooooooorrrrriiiiiiiing class… but thank God it was quite interesting in the last 1 hour. (maybe because it was going to be finished soon? don’t really care.)

9. i went to Dienstencentrum to arrange my new ID Card, by bus (oh my poor bike..), and got my foot stepped on by a ‘tini-tiny-but-felt-like-a-sharp-100kg-heavy’- high heels of that stupid bitch who can’t even see me standing beside her.

10. arrived there safely but then got rejected. i didn’t bring one single document.

(CAPE DEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHH…………………….)

and
now
I
AM
SO
MUCH
STARVING
without
food
….

aiiiiiiiih,
badan gw serasa mau rontokkkkkk…
kemaren malem akhirnya gw berlatih badminton lagi
(euhmm, mungkin lebih baik disebut bermain, coz’ maennya asaaaaallll… hihihihi)
yg penting keluar keringat, badan sehat hati senang  ;p
trus pergi dan pulangnya naik sepeda, lumayan sedikit jauh, di De Pinte.
trus beres badminton mampir ke rumah Wa Aan, seseorang yg amat sangat
care dengan nasib para student indonesia di Gent, yg juga mengkoordinir
latihan badminton minggu malam ini… sebenernya tadinya cuma mau
nemenin si nene sebentar untuk pasang lampu sepeda, tapi lalu sekalian
diundang makan malam bersama. Jadilah akhirnya makan malam lengkap,
nasi opor bihun sayur, lengkap dengan buah2an natural hasil panen dr
kebun, dan juga nyemil keju yg diboyong langsung dr Italy….
nyummmmsss……

sambil makan kita ngobrol-ngobrol, salah satu
topik yg bikin ketawa terus-terusan adalah perbedaan kosakata dan arti
kata-kata bahasa Malaysia.. ahhhhhh, walaupun secara tertulis mungkin
serupa dan sama, tapi artinya bisa berbeda jauuuuuuuh!!!
dah gw baru tahu bahwa, di Malaysia, ‘Rumah Sakit Bersalin’ itu disebutnya apa coba???
‘Rumah Sakit KORBAN LELAKI’ !!!!!!!

terus katanya juga, ‘Angkatan Darat’ disebutnya ‘Prajurit Hentak-Hentak Bumi’
atau, ‘tiarap’ mereka sebut dengan ‘bersetubuh dengan bumi’
halaaaahhhhhhh…
gw ngakak ga berenti-berenti dahhh, ahahahahahahahhaaha…..
sampe tadi malam gw menganggap itu benar adanya, hihihihi
walau ternyata setelah gw tanya bbrp orang teman di Malaysia, itu hanya
lucu-lucuan orang Indonesia aja… tapi memang banyak banget kalimat
dan kata-kata in Malaysian yang kalau diartikan secara harafiah ke
dalam bahasa Indonesia bisa bikin ketawa ga berenti-berenti deh…

kesimpulannya?
serumpun, tapi TAK SAMA.
hihihihihihihi….